


Nightmare

by rizuki



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluffy Bunnies, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Violence, jealous sousuke to the rescue, sick cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 09:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2577293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rizuki/pseuds/rizuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sousuke, how delirious are you?”</p><p>“Delirious?”</p><p>“Where do you think you are?”</p><p>“Hell. Right?”</p><p> </p><p>Most times, Sousuke has good dreams. Sometimes he doesn't. Then there are times when he really, really, really doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmare

When Sousuke got to the locker room, he arched an eyebrow at the bent and crinkled envelope that was sticking out of Rin’s locker. Somebody tried desperately to shove it into the tiny slit at the bottom of the door and obviously gave up by the looks of it with how jammed it was in there. His curiosity was peaked for sure; was it a letter from a kouhai asking for advice? Was it a training regimen that somebody wanted him to check out? Or was it -

 

“Oi, what the hell is this?”

 

Sousuke glanced over, glad to see Rin standing beside him. His curiosity would be appeased shortly. The redhead was glaring at the stuffed envelope and let out a loud sigh as he reached out to pull it out from under his locker door.

 

“As if I’m going to be able to read this with how wrinkled it is...” he trailed off, and his glare was redirected to Sousuke as the taller boy laughed. “Shut up. Did you see who left this?”

 

“Nope. It was there when I got here. I guess somebody snuck in and tried to shove it into your locker before practice ended.”

 

“Honestly,” Rin sighed, fingers moving to open the envelope and pull out a very wrinkled piece of notebook paper out of it. He pressed it against his locker door and attempted to smooth out the wrinkles as best as he could with his hand, but stopped short when he realized just what was scribbled along the blue lines.

 

Curious wasn’t the right word to describe Sousuke anymore, not with the way Rin’s eyes widened and the obvious pink blush crept up on his face as well as the tips of his ears. “What? You look like someone wrote you something scandalous.”

 

It took a moment, but Sousuke noticed that Rin had tilted his head a tad to the side and was looking at him from the corners of his eyes. The stare he was giving him confused him, especially with how intrigued and unsure he looked. Just as quickly as he had peeked at the taller boy, Rin turned away from Sousuke’s gaze, re-reading the note before folding the paper in half to avoid having him steal a glance at it. He ignored the taller boy’s comment and simply entered the combination for his locker to start going through his things.

 

“Oh no, don’t ignore me,” Sousuke chided, taking a step forward to get closer to Rin. “It can’t be that embarrassing. It wasn’t... It wasn’t a love letter, was it?” He wished he didn’t sound so standoffish, but Rin getting a love letter from someone that wasn’t him was absolutely unacceptable. It was especially unacceptable because of the reactions that were being pulled from Rin. Sousuke couldn’t deny the jealous pangs he felt in his heart.

 

“Why do you want to know?” Rin asked as he placed the letter into his locker and grabbed his towel to finish drying his hair. His face was still pink and he was avoiding eye contact; Sousuke suddenly had a really bad feeling.

 

“Rin. What did it say?”

 

“Why are you that interested in what somebody wrote to me?”

 

The words came out mumbled and rushed, but Sousuke could detect a hint of what sounded like hope in Rin’s voice. He shrugged, leaning against the lockers as he folded his arms across his chest. “Because your face is getting close to matching your hair and the schoolgirl with a puppy crush moment you’re having is rather endearing.”

 

Rin finally fully turned to face Sousuke, making eye contact almost immediately. Sousuke was taken aback by how shy he appeared, but it wasn’t just that. The way he was acting, the way he looked...it was adorable, that was all he could muster up to even think. It was clearly another reason to add onto his list of why he loved Rin so much. Granted, the other boy couldn’t know. That was something he felt willing to take to the grave with him, despite the daggers Rin was currently shooting at him with his eyes.

 

“I hate you,” Rin muttered before reaching back into his locker to grab the folded up note before throwing it in Sousuke’s direction. 

 

Sousuke caught it and instantly unfolded it, but the moment he did he wished he hadn’t. His fear was confirmed in the form of simple, mushy sentences written by someone with more guts than he could muster up.

 

> _It’s so refreshing watching you swim, you’re beautiful. It’s an honor to be on the same team as you. I hope that maybe I could be another reason for you to smile so radiantly. You really are beautiful._

 

“Probably put the wrong locker, is all,” Rin commented after a few moments of silence. Sousuke hadn’t even heard him, he just kept re-reading the note over and over until Rin plucked it out of his hands and shoved it into his bag.

 

“But you think it’s cute?” Sousuke asked, cursing himself mentally for not keeping the question to himself.

 

Rin didn’t respond. He put on his team jacket and closed the locker door, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He stepped forward, way too close up in Sousuke’s space for the taller boy to be able to process thoughts any longer.

 

“Maybe.”

 

It was one word, said quietly in such a sly, playful, teasing tone that made Sousuke’s jaw drop. Rin was grinning as he turned away from him, and Sousuke found himself frozen in his spot while the other began making his way out of the locker room.

 

“Are you coming to dinner or do I get to eat your bento too?”

 

That kickstarted Sousuke’s brain again and he frowned before finally making his way to catch up with the redhead. “Absolutely not.”

 

 

*

 

 

The next note didn’t appear until a few days later. Sousuke woke up groggily, surprised to have awoken without the help of his alarm. He shifted in his bunk and looked over the edge down at the bunk below him to see Rin still fast asleep, pretty much a mess of blankets and hair. He chuckled at the sight of his best friend and was content with falling back asleep for another half an hour, but something caught his eye and caused him to look up.

 

A few inches away from the door was another envelope, and with the light from the rising sun peeking into the room through a sliver of an opening in the curtains, Sousuke could see Rin’s name on the front of the envelope in bold marker. Whoever was leaving these notes was getting more daring, it seemed. He had a little bit of time before Rin would wake up... it wouldn’t hurt to peek, right?

 

As quietly as he could, Sousuke stepped down the ladder from his bunk and tip toed over to the envelope, glaring at is as though it were a person deserving of his hate. There was someone behind these love letters, and Sousuke already didn’t like them, whoever it was. He flipped the top of the envelope open and pulled out a much neater note than the last, but the words were still as mushy as the first.

 

> _I hope you’re sleeping well. You look so tired lately, you deserve your rest. Wish I could help. Maybe massage your shoulders to ease any tension there...don’t want any injuries. I care too much to see that happen to you._

 

The first letter had made Sousuke miffed and jealous. This one had made him angry. He hadn’t told Rin about his shoulder yet; did this person know, or have an inkling about it? He felt like he was being mocked by this person - anonymously being told that he can’t swim and he can’t have Rin, just not in those exact words. Regardless, that was the reaction he was gaining from it all.

 

“...Sousuke?”

 

Rin’s quiet voice interrupted Sousuke’s thoughts as they had the first time, and he raised his gaze to the redhead who was sitting up in his bunk, staring at him sleepily.

 

“Did I wake you? Sorry. It’s still early,” Sousuke replied, grateful to feel the anger start to subside by just talking to the other boy.

 

“No, it’s fine. But what is that in your hand?”

 

Sousuke cursed under his breath. He should’ve hidden it, discarded it, done anything to it but be caught red-handed with it. He shrugged helplessly, walking over to Rin to hand him the letter since he knew he’d want to see it the moment his answer fell from his lips. “It’s another letter. For you.”

 

Now that he was up close, Sousuke could see one of Rin’s eyebrows shoot up in confusion. Was it simply because he was still sleepy and out of it, or was it that he wasn’t expecting another letter? Sousuke kept his questions to himself this time as he handed the letter over, giving Rin a chance to read it.

 

Rin refrained from saying anything for a while. When his attention left the letter at last, Sousuke saw that same curious gaze Rin shot his way after having read the first letter. He wasn’t sure what to make of it.

 

“You just...happened to find this one, too?” Rin asked, his voice low.

 

“W-what? I mean, well, yeah... I woke up, and it was just there, and I...” Sousuke trailed off, feeling embarrassed for having been caught with something that clearly wasn’t for him, nor was it ever intended for him to read. He struggled to find something else to say, but came up empty. Rin took the silence as an opportunity to fold the note and place it next to his pillow with his phone.

 

“Go back to sleep, Sousuke,” Rin said softly as he lowered himself back down into a reclining position. “Like you said, it’s still early.”

 

“Yeah.” Sousuke nodded, unable to turn away from that tiny smile that had spread across Rin’s face even as the redhead closed his eyes to drift back to sleep. He had to force himself to move back to his bunk, hating the sinking feeling growing within him that he was losing Rin to a much braver person than he was. But just how brave was he if he refused to tell Rin how he felt to his face?

 

Sousuke didn’t go back to sleep. He moved on his back staring at the ceiling while listening to his best friend’s even breathing below him.

 

 

*

 

 

The other members of the Samezuka swim team approached Sousuke with caution. Always excusing themselves, stuttering, and too polite for their own good. He knew very well why, he grew angrier and more annoyed with every letter that Rin got. It had been an entire week since the first one appeared, and Rin now had a collection of seven notes that he kept in a drawer in his desk. Seven notes, one stupid new note every stupid new day. Sousuke wanted to set the desk on fire.

 

Ironically, despite how moody and cranky he was, Rin was the total opposite. He was all smiles lately, and it definitely hadn’t gone unnoticed by his teammates. It just made the cloud that followed Sousuke around grow darker.

 

Something else Sousuke had noticed, however, was how touchy-feely Rin had gotten with him. It instantly erased whatever foul mood he was in, and sometimes happened in front of others. There was one instance where Sousuke was giving some advice to Momotarou when Rin came up from behind, hands placing themselves on Sousuke’s shoulders in a gentle massage. Momotarou’s eyes went wide as he watched the taller of the three lean back into the touch, a wide smile spreading across his lips. His body language changed right before Momo’s eyes and he couldn’t remember what advice he had been asking for. Rather, he thanked Sousuke profusely and ran off to rejoin Ai and a few other junior team members.

 

It wasn’t just that. When they walked together, Sousuke noticed that their hands would brush against each other, and lost count at how many times it had happened. Then there was the gentle touches against his back, sometimes Rin’s hand would fall closer to his lower back and it took everything in Sousuke not to turn and kiss him right then and there.

 

But why was Rin being like this? Was he feeling more confident about himself now that he knew he had caught someone’s eye? Sousuke wanted to shake him; hadn’t he noticed that he had caught Sousuke’s eye years ago? He’d easily confess that he’d sometimes just sit and stare at the redhead, and would embarrassingly admit that he’d given him looks of pure love and adoration, many times in public. Sometimes Ai or Momo would say something that made Sousuke second guess how discreet he was being. It felt as if everyone but Rin knew, but it didn’t matter - Rin had somebody else now. Somebody else that Sousuke hated with every fiber of his being. 

 

Rin had gone to the vending machine to get a drink and Sousuke used that time to space out into his own thoughts, stealing the bottom bunk while he had the opportunity. He needed to do something. This couldn’t continue anymore. If someone else had won Rin’s heart, fine, Sousuke would deal with it and let him go - as long as Rin was happy. As much as it hurt to see him happy thanks to someone else, as much as he wanted to pull the redhead into his arms and kiss him senseless, be as romantic and sappy as those letters and the shoujo manga that Rin clearly read, _clearly_ , he’d deal with all of it. Or at least he’d die trying.

 

Sousuke pushed himself off of the bottom bunk and headed to Rin’s desk. He knew he shouldn’t, he had read them all once already which truly was enough, but he had to see them. He just had to read them one more time. He opened up the top drawer and pulled out the seven folded pieces of paper, glaring at them already and he hadn’t even started reading them through yet.

 

> _It’s so refreshing watching you swim, you’re beautiful. It’s an honor to be on the same team as you. I hope that maybe I could be another reason for you to smile so radiantly. You really are beautiful._
> 
>  
> 
> _I hope you’re sleeping well. You look so tired lately, you deserve your rest. Wish I could help. Maybe massage your shoulders to ease any tension there...don’t want any injuries. I care too much to see that happen to you._
> 
>  
> 
> _Don’t be so modest. It’s amazing that you’re bilingual. It’s sexy to hear you talk in English, I wish I could hear you more often aside from in class._
> 
>  
> 
> _I wouldn’t count that as a loss to Nanase. The difference in time was barely even_ _a second. You’re so talented. You’re going to show them all, you’re too good. It’ll be shame to see you leave now that you got scouted._
> 
>  
> 
> _Damn you’re beautiful. I couldn’t even pay attention to my own workout, I forgot what I was even doing. You should wear those low cut tank tops more often. I like when the sleeves fall off your shoulders._
> 
>  
> 
> _I don’t mean to be so forward but I like you best when you’re at practice. You’re barely wearing anything (those pants do not count as clothes). I’d love to have permission to expose more, to see more, to touch._
> 
>  
> 
> _I’m happy to see you so happy. I’m glad my messages have made you smile. You deserve happiness, and I’m only sorry I wasn’t around long enough to help you before._

 

Sousuke shoved the letters back where he found them before slamming the drawer shut. He couldn’t explain the rage he felt; Rin wouldn’t understand unless he confessed. There had to be something that Rin could read between the lines, something he saw in the letters that Sousuke just couldn’t. 

 

To him, the letters were creepy. They felt more like someone was stalking Rin rather than trying to confess to him. If they wanted to confess, why hadn’t they already? Why had they chosen to drag this out for what was starting to border on two weeks? Sousuke knew Rin - he knew that Rin would’ve normally shredded the letters into pieces and would’ve already threatened the entire school until someone came forward. Why was this all okay to him?

 

And, now that he thought about it...who could possibly be behind the letters? He had been watching Rin’s interactions with others, trying to see if somebody slipped up or was more shy than usual. Sousuke hadn’t been suspicious of anyone, hadn’t raised a red flag at anyone. Maybe he was going crazy between hiding not only his romantic feelings, but also hiding the pain in his shoulder that grew more as the days went on. This was fate playing a cruel joke at his expense, that was all it could be.

 

The door opened suddenly but it wasn’t Rin as Sousuke anticipated, rather Momo and his sparkling eyes and wide smile, with Ai in tow.

 

“Yamazaki-senpai!” Momo greeted, and Sousuke just blinked. This was unexpected, but when were Momo’s visits ever expected?

 

“Give him the stuff, Momo-kun!” Ai scolded, looking slightly ashamed for their random appearance. Sousuke gave him credit, he was polite. Momo, though, he wasn’t quite sure of.

 

“Oh! Right!!” Momo laughed and rushed up to bridge the gap between himself and Sousuke before holding out a water bottle in one hand, and a closed envelope in the other. “We bumped into Rin-senpai on our way back up here. He said the water was for you and said he’d see you soon? That you’d understand? Do you guys talk in code or something?! That’s so cool!”

 

Sousuke reached to take the water bottle from Momo, but his focus was entirely on the envelope in the shorter boy’s hand. “Thanks... Did he, uh, say where he was going by any chance?”

 

“He said that you’d know and that you could stop playing games with him,” Ai added instantly, shrugging. “We’re sorry for interrupting you, Yamazaki-senpai!” Ai pulled the envelope out of Momo’s hand and placed it on the desk. He was quick to then grab onto the back of Momo’s shirt and started tugging him backward and out of the room, ignoring the younger boy’s protests and whining. Sousuke couldn’t even form words, just watched the two go and the door close behind them. He would’ve laughed, would’ve questioned it more, but his focus was back on the newest letter. The newest letter with apparently some clue to Rin’s whereabouts, because the words of his kouhai just did not make any sense. 

 

> _I know it’s been a week, and I know you have an idea as to what’s going on. I’m ready to tell you. Find me where we first met - our classroom at Sano Elementary. It’s late but it’s unlocked, promise._

 

The sense of dread was overwhelming, as was his bewilderment. “Sano?” he repeated aloud, mind working on overload but only come up with dead ends. He crumpled the note into a ball before throwing it in the trash and moving to grab his blue hoodie off of the back of his chair. He was going to get to the bottom of this; he needed to see it for himself.

 

 

*

 

 

Everything looked so small compared to the last time Sousuke set foot in Sano Elementary. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing there truth be told, but he kept walking forward down the dimly lit hallway, glancing around at classrooms and cubbies that filled his mind with memories and nostalgia.

 

Being there didn’t make sense. What school didn’t lock up when classes and after school activities were said and done? Clearly Sano didn’t, unless they gave random creepy stalkers a spare key. Sousuke needed to calm down. He didn’t know what he was walking into, what he’d see, what he’d find, nor who he’d find for that matter. On the way over, he briefly wondered if it was Kisumi. The thought made him laugh with how stupid it was, but in Sousuke’s mind the entire situation was stupid, so why not? Maybe it was Kisumi.

 

As he turned the corner to go down another hallway, Sousuke couldn’t help but smile. He recalled running down these hallways with Rin so many times. He had fond memories of it there, memories that stopped when Rin transferred. And now here he was again, same place, losing Rin all over again.

 

“You’re pathetic,” he berated himself under his breath and stopped walking. He was just as bad as Rin’s creeper stalker, as Sousuke had dubbed him. Following him on what felt like a wild goose chase to just break his own heart. This was ridiculous, pointless, and felt more like the script of a soap opera than what his life should be. Whatever happened, whoever was there, it was all supposed to be, in spite of the nagging feeling he had in the pit of his stomach.

 

Sousuke turned, ready to head in the direction he came from to leave, but the loud bang of what sounded like a chair followed by a groan filled his ears as if it were on maximum volume. He turned his head, glancing around in the darkness. The hallway was only being lit up by the moonlight as it cascaded in through the large windows, but it was enough to scope out his surroundings. He saw nothing. He took a step back but heard a groan again, this time it was louder and sounded like it was in pain.

 

“Hello?” Sousuke called out, cursing under his breath when he received no reply. His mind was racing with thoughts and possibilities as to what was behind the weird sounds he was hearing. His eyes narrowed when the first thought that popped into his head took a sexual turn. “You’re still pathetic. No one is having sex in here,” he told himself, figuring that maybe if he spoke the words out loud he’d take to them more. He had no such luck. Sousuke’s initial plan of walking out and heading back to Samezuka in defeat was gone and in its place resumed the plan to get to the bottom of those love letters - and now getting to the bottom of the source of the bangs and muffled groaning.

 

The further Sousuke walked down the hall, the more he realized that he really was heading toward the classroom where he first met Rin. He couldn’t recall anybody being obsessed with him or anything of the sort, no one stood out as a potential suspect. The only one that would write stupid letters that would know it’d make Rin (and his not-so-secret romantic side) smile and follow along...would be himself. Was that why he told Ai and Momo those messages to relay to him? Because Rin thought Sousuke was the one behind the letters? But why would he drag Rin all the way to Sano when he could tell him in their dorm room? Why would he want to isolate Rin like that? Unless he really was a creeper stalker and just wanted to get him alone to...

 

Sousuke stopped himself and took off in a run, dreading whatever it was he would see when he rushed into the classroom. No matter what it was, he wasn’t going to like it, he was already sure of this. It didn’t make his heartbeat slow down any, nor calm his breathing down in the slightest. 

 

“...this is all your fault!”

 

Hearing that voice stopped Sousuke in his tracks. He gripped onto one of the sides of the doorframe and took a deep breath, mind reeling. “That sounded like...” he trailed off before stepping into the classroom, eyes opening wide at the sight that greeted him.

 

There were desks and chairs everywhere, looking almost like they had been thrown around. Notebooks, papers, pens and pencils, and all sorts of art supplies were strewn about all over the floor and Sousuke became instantly convinced that a fight had broken out in there. He was straightaway proud of himself for not having sulked his way back to Samezuka; now he needed to find Rin. He didn’t just want to, he _needed_ to. He needed to see him and make sure he was okay. Not that Rin couldn’t handle his own - with his build and his notorious way of lashing out, he was beyond confident that the redhead could take care of himself just fine. However he still needed to see him to convince himself fully.

 

“You’re asking me why with your eyes, like you don’t know, like you’re not aware that I know you’re still pining over Nanase. Fucking Nanase.”

 

“Who’s there?” Sousuke called out as he started making his way into the classroom, stepping over chairs and supplies as he made his way further inside. He was afraid of the answer; he wasn’t hearing Rin’s voice at all, but rather heard someone that sounded like...himself. “Rin, are you in here?”

 

There was no response, not even any of the bangs or muffled sounds from earlier. Sousuke glanced at a tall, wooden cubby storage unit that was toward the center of the classroom. If the classroom hadn’t changed styles since he last saw it, it was still used to separate the classroom into two sections, meaning there could be something, anything, behind it being hidden from view. His hands balled into fists at his sides, ready to confront whatever might be waiting for him on the other side as he began walking around the wooden shelves of cubbies. Once he got around them to the other side he practically choked on his breath.

 

Sousuke was staring at himself - albeit, a much angrier version of himself from what he could tell. The other Sousuke’s cold glare turned toward him and he smirked which sent a chill down Sousuke’s spine. He forced himself to look away from him and when he made eye contact with the still silent Rin, he could feel the nausea take him over in waves.

 

The redhead was on his knees on the floor, covered in cuts and what looked like shallow stab wounds all over him, soaking his clothes and his hair where a giant gash was that went from Rin’s right temple to the center of his forehead. There was dried blood caked around it and into his bangs where his hair matted against his skin. There was blood drying on his arms that were tied behind his back and he looked angry and scared out of his mind. Sousuke tentatively moved closer to him, but stopped when he saw Rin flinch.

 

“Rin? What’s...going on?”

 

“ _‘What’s going on?’_ ” Rin repeated then paused, chuckling nervously. Sousuke hated the tone in his voice; he sounded so defeated and it was so unlike him. “Is this hell? Are you joining him? Are you both punishing me?”

 

“What?! No, Rin!” Sousuke took another step forward, ignoring the strengthening nausea that was biting at him. “I would never... I would never hurt you... He did this?” His gaze returned to the other Sousuke, ready to take him out if he had to regardless of how much sense the entire scenario lacked. “How are you me?”

 

The other Sousuke, his double as Sousuke was beginning to refer to him as, simply laughed, shrugging his shoulders before shoving the knife he had in his hand back into the pocket of his hoodie. Sousuke didn’t miss the blood that was caked on the blade and splattered on the other Sousuke’s hoodie. 

 

“Yamazaki, you’re too soft. Why does he get to graduate and live out his dreams when you don’t?” he let out a loud sigh. “He doesn’t know about your shoulder, does he? You were too weak to tell him, weren’t you? He doesn’t love you, he’s in love with Nanase. He’s going to leave you again, and go live out _your_ dream - _with Nanase_!” The other Sousuke shouted before plucking the knife back out of his pocket and lunged at Rin again, only to be stopped by Sousuke who threw himself in-between them, hands gripping the other Sousuke’s wrists tightly.

 

“Maybe there was something laced in my food, maybe I hit my head, maybe the pain in my shoulder is so immense that I’m now hallucinating, I don’t know,” Sousuke spat out, “none of this makes any sense. I’m fighting myself, a self that apparently lured you out here and... I don’t even want to know, but it’s clear he attacked you. He came up from behind, didn’t he? Stabbed you and tied your arms behind your back when you were down, didn’t he? Fucking coward!” Sousuke pushed forward, glare meeting the other Sousuke’s gaze. The teal eyes that met him were darker, almost lifeless; it creeped him out tremendously.

 

“Rin,” he started again as he began to kick at the other Sousuke’s legs to distract him, “I don’t understand either, I swear, but you need to trust me. Please trust me. Please get out of here, I’ll hold him back!” 

 

The other Sousuke began pushing back, fighting against Sousuke with the goal of overpowering him. Sousuke could feel his footing weaken and could feel himself being pushed back. “ _Fuck,_ ” he thought, “ _if he gets the upper hand, Rin and I are as good as dead. I’ll figure this craziness out later, I need to get us out of here. I need to get Rin out of here... If he’s me, then his shoulder must be wrecked too, right_?”

 

With that hope in mind, Sousuke let go of one of his double’s arms to then send a sharp punch to his right shoulder, causing his double to let go of him and step back in pain, hands flying to the injured arm. Sousuke couldn’t understand how it worked but there was no time to second guess anything. He hurried back to return to Rin, shaky fingers reaching out to untie the rope from around his wrists, trying to ease him in whatever way he could. He needed to not freak out; he could freak out later. Now, his priority was getting his friend out of there - and potentially beating the ever living hell out of the insane copy of himself that put Rin into this position in the first place. 

 

“Rin, trust me,” he pleaded again, rubbing Rin’s left wrist with his index and middle fingers in hopes to comfort him as best as he could given the circumstances. “Get the hell out of here.”

 

“You’re insane,” Rin snapped, and Sousuke was pretty ready to agree. “You expect me to leave you here with that thing?!”

 

“But you, you’re hurt, and I - ”

 

Rin suddenly reached forward, grabbing onto Sousuke’s wrist before giving it a tight squeeze. “I can tell it’s you, you idiot.” His voice was much softer now and Sousuke almost forgot about their plight for a moment. “I know that I can trust you.”

 

Despite the other’s words and determination to get them both out of there, Sousuke knew that he needed to think faster; Rin wasn’t in a position to wait for help. He could tell that Rin was ignoring his injuries for his sake, and Sousuke would’ve yelled at him for it if it didn’t turn him into such a hypocrite. Yet, it brought him so much relief that Rin knew he was safe with him. 

 

The other Sousuke was alien; there was no way ever in this world or any other that he’d ever cause Rin pain. No way ever that he’d hurt him, especially not to such an extent. To know that some copy of him was behind his current physical and emotional state made Sousuke feel wracked with guilt as if it were his fault in some way. He didn’t even realize that his fingers were still rubbing Rin’s wrist until he felt the redhead’s hand slip into his own and give it a squeeze to bring him back to the present. Sousuke made a move to speak, but saw that the other Sousuke had regained his composure in the few minutes he and Rin took to reconnect and was taking it to his advantage, lunging right at Rin with the knife that was already stained with his blood.

 

“NO!” Sousuke shouted, letting go of the other’s hand to press his hands to his chest to push him out of the way. He was successful in keeping Rin safe, but not so much with himself. He let out a loud cry of pain when the blade pierced the skin of his shoulder and dug into his body. The pain was immense, overloading his mind and making him unable to make a single coherent thought. He collapsed in a heap onto his side, his left hand clutching tightly onto his shoulder. Being pretty much curled up in a fetal position didn’t stop his double from pulling the blade out of his flesh with a grotesque sound that was only hidden by the louder shout Sousuke let out. He could feel the warm liquid pour out of him and slip through his fingers, going through his clothes and sticking to his body.

 

“Sousuke!”

 

Sousuke wanted to scream out his frustration. How could he help Rin like this? The nausea he felt before increased tenfold, and his body was trembling with the amount of pain he was in. He was breathing raggedly through clenched teeth in the desperate attempt to regain his composure. It was clear to him - he wasn’t getting out of there alive. He wasn’t, but Rin was. Rin was getting out of there even if it was the last thing he ever did.

 

“Please - please, go,” Sousuke choked out, ignoring his double’s laughter and how loud it was. That meant he was still close. “I’m begging you, Rin, forget about me.” He was silenced by a swift kick to his shoulder. The pain was white hot and Sousuke felt the air leave his lungs. Everything was getting blurry and white around the edges, and he couldn’t concentrate; he felt dizzy, lightheaded, and almost as though he weren’t present in the room with Rin and his double anymore.

 

“You bastard!” 

 

He could hear Rin, but he could no longer see him; the pain was too much. Sousuke felt himself starting to lose consciousness.

 

“I was never good enough for you, _Rin_ ,” his double said Rin’s name with such disgust, such disdain... how could a copy of himself speak to him like that when he himself wanted to do nothing but make the redhead know how loved he was? “Everything I’ve gone through is your fault. Your romantic obsessions brought you here to die, Rin. Just when I thought you couldn’t hurt me any more than you already have, you’ve further wrecked my shoulder out of commission even more than it already was.” The double paused long enough to kick Sousuke’s stomach, enjoying the fact that the teen couldn’t do anything but take whatever abuse he had to shoot at him. “What will finally make you satisfied? My death?”

 

And that was when Rin finally lashed out. He swung forward, hands balled into fists as he threw punch after punch at the double’s face, cursing under his breath at the aches and the sharp pain he was feeling around his body from all the cuts and stab wounds. He had to keep pushing, he had to ignore them; he was getting them out of there no matter what. Sousuke was going with him; like hell he’d leave him alone.

 

“Who are you?!” Rin roared, reaching out to grab onto the collar of the double’s hoodie to pull him closer, his right arm pulled back before he sent a powerful punch forward aimed at the other Sousuke’s cheek. It hit and caused the double to stumble back, but Rin’s grip on his collar didn’t let him stumble back too far. “You’re not Sousuke, you’re a psychopath! You wrote me all of those creepy letters fully knowing I’d think they were coming from him, didn’t you? You’re twisted. Why the hell would you do that? What the hell do you want?”

 

“You never knew me at all, did you, Rin? I’m your rival. That’s all I ever was to you. I never stood a chance at anything else, did I?” The other Sousuke questioned, not moving from his spot beside the real Sousuke who was looking at Rin with such contempt in his eyes, such hatred. It made Rin tighten his grip even further. He was so angry, so tired, so wracked with pain, and he couldn’t even imagine how Sousuke felt; he wasn’t even sure if the taller boy was even conscious anymore.

 

“No, I don’t know who the fuck you are!” Rin shouted before sending another punch, cursing under his breath at how quickly the double moved to avoid it. He couldn’t be human; he was too fast. None of this was physically possible, so maybe he was some sort of an alien or alternate being. There was no other explanation Rin could form. “Just stay still so we can get this over with!”

 

“Yeah,” the other Sousuke agreed, “let’s get this over with.” He let out a loud sigh before he raised the arm that had the knife in it. In Rin’s eyes, all of the sudden, everything shifted into slow motion. He could see the blade, dripping drops of Sousuke’s blood onto the floor as it moved, slice through the air and toward his body but he couldn’t move fast enough away from it. When he let go of the other Sousuke’s collar in an attempt to dodge the knife, he felt a tight grip grab a hold of his neck, fingers pushing into his skin hard to keep him in place. When the knife pierced the skin of his side, Rin’s mouth opened to scream but he couldn’t. No sound escaped his throat.

 

Sousuke’s double simply shook his head as Rin stumbled forward once the knife was removed. He trembled before his body lost its balance, slumping forward against the double’s chest. “Rin, I never wanted to hurt you. You’ve left me no choice. If I don’t get to live my dream, then why should you when it’s your fault?” He left no opening for Rin to respond. Instead, he thrust the knife into Rin’s chest and stepped back as the redhead spit up blood onto his hoodie and collapsed a few feet away from Sousuke.

 

At the sound of something hitting the floor, Sousuke forced his eyes open but immediately regretted it when he saw Rin’s unmoving body lying on its side close by. He couldn’t find it in himself to move toward him despite how desperate he was to reach him, to touch him, to hold him. Sousuke thought he had seen a lot of blood earlier when he first walked in on the scene, but he stood corrected. There was blood everywhere, and he could feel bile rising up his throat in recognition that it was most likely all Rin’s.

 

“ _Rin_ ,” he choked out, and even speaking hurt. He had done nothing. His showing up didn’t change anything except add himself to the list of fatalities that night. He couldn’t help Rin, he couldn’t save him. And he couldn’t explain how it was that the killer was a clone of himself.

 

“Rin can’t hear you right now, but if you leave a message after the beep, I’m sure he’ll be likely to answer you back once you join him in hell.” 

 

Sousuke’s entire body froze. He couldn’t focus his vision but he recognized that voice as his double, and it was close - very close - too close. He raised his gaze and caught the blurry edges of his double standing in front of him with the knife raised upward, ready to strike at any time.

 

“...beep!” the double cheerfully exclaimed as he drove the blade down to plunge it into Sousuke’s chest.

 

Sousuke couldn’t even open his mouth to scream, rather squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the final blow.

 

*

 

Sousuke’s eyes shot open in an instant, expecting to feel intense waves of pain, but they never came. His chest was heaving as he took in deep breaths, lips parted. He felt as though he had run a marathon, screaming the entire way through, with how dry his throat felt and the way the sweat trickled down his forehead. His head felt like it weighed a ton and felt way too hot, but the rest of him was shivering and felt cold as ice. The room he was in was dark, dimly lit by what he imagined was a lamp that seemed to be on the other side of the room. Sousuke didn’t feel like he could calm down enough to fully grasp at his surroundings; he was so certain that he was dead. Maybe this was the afterlife. Maybe this was the road to hell.

 

As quickly as his mind began racing to conclusions about his current state, it just as quickly shut up the instant he felt a cold, wet towel pressed against his forehead. It was such a welcomed change and was helping to soothe him. The fingers that began running through his hair were an added bonus. Dull fingernails lightly scratching at his scalp and made him close his eyes again with how relaxed he was beginning to feel as opposed to the stressed out state he was in mere moments prior. Somebody had a heart on the road to hell, it seemed.

 

“Just relax, Sousuke. I’m here.”

 

Rin’s voice brought a smile to Sousuke’s lips. He had grown afraid that he’d never hear him again, and that was a fate worse than death. He’d give away everything he had, everything he was, as long as he never lost Rin.

 

“He said I’d join you here,” Sousuke mumbled, his voice almost low enough to not be heard.

 

“Huh?”

 

“I wish you didn’t have to be here. I wish I could’ve helped you, but I’m so glad you’re here with me.” Sousuke’s words kept growing softer as he spoke. He was gradually allowing himself to come to terms with their fate as he began to slip back into unconsciousness.

 

“Sousuke, how delirious are you?”

 

“Delirious?”

 

“Where do you think you are?”

 

“Hell. Right?”

 

Rin stopped speaking which concerned Sousuke for a moment, but the silence was rapidly replaced with loud laughter that made Sousuke furrow his brow. He only relaxed again when he felt those fingers shift from his hair to his cheek, fingertips gently brushing along his skin before tracing his jawline with slow, even strokes.

 

“Sousuke, open your eyes.”

 

Following Rin’s request, Sousuke’s eyes fluttered open and he began to focus more on his surroundings as he looked up from his spot. It was very clear to him now that he was in bed, covered up to his chin with blankets. Rin was seated close beside him, a hand still dabbing the damp towel along his forehead while the other shifted to move his slow touches down to the side of his neck and then to his good shoulder, giving him a light massage. It all felt way too good to be hell.

 

“Still think you’re in hell, dumbass?”

 

“I don’t understand,” Sousuke replied before starting to push himself up into a sitting position. Rin lowered the towel and his arms moved to support Sousuke as he sat up, unconsciously leaning against the redhead’s side for further support. “You’re not hurt.”

 

“O...kay,” Rin paused, moving a hand in-between Sousuke’s shoulder blades to start rubbing slow circles through his shirt. “Must’ve been quite a nightmare, Sou.”

 

Sousuke slowly nodded, comprehension filling his mind that all the horrible things he had seen and gone through weren’t real. None of it was real; it had all been a detailed and elaborate nightmare. He felt incredibly embarrassed at how he didn’t see through it sooner.

 

“You... I couldn’t save you. I tried everything I could.”

 

Rin shifted closer to Sousuke, resting his head on his good shoulder as he lowered his hand to rest it on the taller boy’s thigh over the blanket. “What happened?”

 

Sousuke didn’t answer. His head still felt like it weighed a ton and it was still hard to make a clear thought. It was difficult for him to piece together the dream in its full state, but even if he could remember it in its entirety, he didn’t want to tell Rin. He slouched down in his spot so he could rest his head on top of Rin’s as he moved his arm to loosely wrap around the other boy’s waist to keep him close. “You’re going to get sick,” he mumbled.

 

“Don’t get all cute and then go and change the topic on me, Yamazaki,” the redhead replied. “You were shaking and whimpering in your sleep, and you kept saying my name.”

 

“Of course I did,” Sousuke replied with a smile, turning his head to press a kiss at Rin’s temple before sitting back up, leaning back against the headboard to avoid leaning on Rin for further support since he felt a bit too weak to stay still on his own. “I don’t remember a lot of it, but you were getting all these love letters. The last one asked you to meet him, and you went. And I got jealous and went after you... I couldn’t save you. I watched you die. I watched you die before he killed me off, too.”

 

Rin fell back into silence, his hands moving slower along Sousuke’s body as he took in the words that the taller boy was telling him. He didn’t know what to say. Sousuke seemed so rattled by the dream; he had been shaking, tossing and turning, letting out quiet sounds that occasionally grew louder - especially every time Sousuke said his name. Rin could understand Sousuke’s freak out considering the explanation he had just received, but he still felt like there was a puzzle piece missing that Sousuke either couldn’t remember, or was holding back from him.

 

“What kind of a dream is that?” he replied, flicking Sousuke’s arm with his index finger. “You really think I’d go down that easily? You really think I’d let _you_ go down that easily? Come on.”

 

Sousuke chuckled. “True. But I...” he trailed off.

 

“Out with it. Don’t keep things from me.”

 

“Of course you’d notice.” Sousuke paused, unsure how to piece together the words to say what happened next. “You know... You know that my injuries are my own fault, right? You know that I never, ever, once blamed you, right?”

 

His words caught Rin by surprise, and the redhead’s hands finally stilled. “ _What_?”

 

Sousuke couldn’t even look at him. He tilted his head back against the headboard, staring up at the ceiling while cursing himself the moment he felt tears stinging his eyes. “It was all my fault, I’ve come to terms with it forever ago. I went too hard for my dream. You were a part of my dream, yes, but you were never the cause of anything. You were my inspiration, my light. You always were and you still are.” Sousuke stopped when he found it harder to speak; the more he spoke, the more obvious it was becoming that he was having a hard time keeping his composure. “You know I was jealous of Nanase for a time, but you know that I don’t consider him a threat, right? You know that I know you love me, I... I maybe second guessed it briefly before, but I don’t now. I swear, I don’t.”

 

“Where is all of this coming from?” Rin’s voice had grown quiet and Sousuke could detect the worry in his tone. The playful teasing was long gone, as was the confidence. “Why are you telling me this? What’s wrong?”

 

“The one that killed you was me,” Sousuke choked out, refusing to budge in his spot to meet Rin’s uneasy gaze. “Because I was so mad at you for doing this to me, even though you haven’t done anything, and for your relationship with Nanase, even though I know what it is, and it was all so incredibly stupid... I kept saying that if I couldn’t live my dream, then why should you? You were so hurt and covered in so much blood and it was because of me and I couldn’t do anything to help you...”

 

The only reason Sousuke stopped rambling was because Rin had leaned in and wrapped his arms around his neck in a tight hug. He was pressing his body against Sousuke’s as he pushed forward to come in even closer regardless that the fact that there was nowhere else to go. Sousuke could feel the gentle press of lips against the skin of his neck, and that was enough to let the tears that he was struggling with fall down his cheeks at last.

 

“It was a dream, you idiot.” Rin’s voice was soft. “A nightmare. It’s not real. I know you don’t think any of that. I... Yeah, I blamed myself for a while in regards to your shoulder. I told myself over and over that I should’ve been more persistent about not letting you do the relay, that I should’ve been more of a captain than a friend. And, well, maybe I wasn’t that good of a friend to you for a while. No, no maybe. I definitely wasn’t. Just because I lost myself and couldn’t get out of the black hole I was in didn’t mean I had to abandon you as a friend. I could understand you not fully believing me or trusting me with anything after that.”

 

“I don’t think that! I never once thought that! I figured you hit a wall, I figured that something had happened...” 

 

Rin shifted his body until he was seated on Sousuke’s thighs, knees straddling him. He didn’t raise his head immediately, but when he did Sousuke could see the tears in his eyes that he was stubbornly refusing to let fall. Rin unwrapped his arms from around his neck and brought his hands to cup his cheeks, the pads of his thumbs brushing underneath Sousuke’s eyes to wipe his tears away.

 

“I don’t have a single negative thought about you, except that you’re a perverted asshole who hogs most of the bed. You’re...you’re too much sometimes, Sousuke. You’ll say things that are so embarrassing and leave me speechless, or you don’t say anything at all, but I can still tell just by the way you look at me. And even when you don’t, when I’m just near you or around you, I can feel it. I can tell how you feel. Sousuke...you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

 

Sousuke didn’t answer. He brought his hands to rest on Rin’s hips, fingers unconsciously slipping in underneath his shirt to rub at the warm skin hidden underneath. His fingers drew tiny circles along Rin’s hip bones, sliding lower every now and again to pacify his desire to just touch him. Rin was real, Rin was there with him; he wasn’t going anywhere. Nothing that was done or said in the dark corners of his mind was real or meant anything.

 

“Nanase had once asked why I was always so concerned about you, and I told him that it was because I wanted to see you stand on the international stage...the one I could no longer stand on.” A small smile grazed Sousuke’s lips as he lowered his head at last to meet Rin’s wide-eyed gaze, not surprised to see a few stray tears slip down the redhead’s cheeks. “And that was true, I did mean that. However, what I didn’t have the balls to tell him was that...you’re my world, Rin. If you’re smiling, if I can make you smile, I don’t need anything else. I can push forward as long as I know that, and as long as I have you with me.”

 

“That’s not a heavy weight on my shoulders at all,” Rin replied, but Sousuke heard the sarcasm and the playfulness in his voice. It was a relief to hear it and caused him to chuckle in amusement before Rin spoke up once more. “Don’t keep things from me. If you’re scared or worried about something, if there’s something on your mind, just tell me. You know me better than anyone, Sousuke...but I’m not a mind reader. I can only work with what I know.”

 

One of Sousuke’s hands came up to Rin’s cheek, letting the backs of his fingers brush against the smooth skin idly as he stared at him. It was late in the night and he was somewhat delirious and disoriented with a cold he couldn’t shake and a fever that was driving him mad. He was hot skin and cold chills and a mess of feelingscovered in sweat and blankets but the body that was on top of him kept him grounded, kept him sane. When he thought he’d fly away in his own thoughts, the heart that stood by him anchored him in his spot, supporting him. When things grew too trying or too hard, the mind he was connected with told him otherwise, told him to fly. The teary red eyes, and slightly flushed pink cheeks, and soft soft lips, and flurry of red hair and sharp teeth and emotions was the sight he longed for as he drifted off to sleep and the sight he was greeted with when he awoke. Rin and his body, his heart, his mind, was his everything, and Sousuke never felt more blessed in his life.

 

“It was just a nightmare, Sou, it doesn’t mean anything. This, this here, the two of us - this is what’s important. This is what matters. If you need me to kick you in your dreams so that it sinks in, I’ll happily oblige.”

 

Sousuke laughed, a real laugh where his eyes crinkled in the corners and his lips were in an undeniable smile. He was ready to berate himself for letting a stupid dream cause him to second guess his thoughts and his place with Rin, but the soft soft lips he adored pressed into his own before he had the opportunity.

 

“You’re going to get sick - ” he mumbled against Rin’s lips, but Sousuke wasn’t making any movements to pull away. He pushed in closer, moving the remaining hand he had on Rin’s hip to be able to wrap his arm around him to press the redhead up against his chest.

 

Rin refused to acknowledge Sousuke’s concern. His thumbs kept brushing back and forth underneath Sousuke’s eyes in a soothing fashion, hands tilting his head up slightly so Rin could get at his lips in a better angle. 

 

In turn, Sousuke raised the hand he had on Rin’s face and slid it up into his hair, running his fingers through the long strands before tugging at the tiny ponytail above his nape. He had been dying to touch him since his dream and even though he had been given plenty of opportunities since he woke up, he still didn’t feel completely satisfied; Sousuke still wanted more. 

 

The hand he had on Rin’s hip finally moved, steadily inching down toward his ass until he was palming it, tightening his grip almost instantly. Sousuke felt pleased at the loud moan that vibrated its way into the kiss, and the fact that the redhead was pushing back into his touch, but definitely was pouting when Rin pulled away from his lips a second later.

 

“No way, not tonight. Don’t pout at me, it’s not going to work. You’re sick and you need your rest. When you’re better, we’ll talk, but only then.”

 

“You’re horrible to me.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Say that again when I have you moaning my name and are telling me how good it feels.” Rin was grinning widely, biting back a laugh at the low groan Sousuke released at his words. He moved out of the other boy’s lap and shifted onto his side next to him, rubbing his thigh in hopes to get him to acquiesce. “Come on, lay back down. I’ll stay with you.”

 

“You’re going to get sick...” Sousuke repeated again, but despite his words he sunk back down into a reclining position alongside Rin, allowing the other to tug the blankets back up to his chin. His eyes slipped closed and he let out a faint sigh when he felt Rin’s fingers run through his hair again.

 

“Do you want some water, or some medicine?”

 

“No, just stay here with me.”

 

“That’s happening regardless, dumbass,” Rin replied fondly as he scooted in closer to Sousuke and draped an arm across his waist. “You really should have some medicine, though.”

 

“In the morning.”

 

“You know it’s almost 6am, right?”

 

“In the later morning.” Sousuke received a laugh in response. He pushed his head deeper into his pillow, a smile spreading across his lips again. He brought an arm down so he could lace his fingers with Rin’s, giving his hand a squeeze before letting their hands still once more over his stomach. “Thank you, Rin.”

 

“Mm,” was the muffled reply Sousuke got, but he was fine with it. 

 

He felt as though he were in a much better place than he had been earlier, and he knew very well that he had Rin to thank for it. Once he felt better, Sousuke would make him breakfast, or spend a day romancing (and embarrassing) him, or maybe he’d simply give him a night filled with amazing sex in gratitude for dealing with his childishness that night. He knew Rin would tell him not to do anything, but Sousuke wanted to. He always wanted to; he couldn’t help himself. He just always wanted to make sure that Rin felt loved.

 

“Stop thinking and go back to sleep.”

 

“Mm, love you too,” Sousuke mumbled with a chuckle before relenting. Yet he stayed awake long enough to hear the murmured ‘I love you too, you big idiot,’ before he finally allowed sleep to reclaim him that night.

 

That time, he dreamed of flowers and gold medals and interlocked fingers and wedding bells, and that was something Sousuke could get used to.

**Author's Note:**

> the goal was to have this out and done by halloween - obviously that didn't happen. and when the story in the mook was translated, i was like "ahahah okay so mine is a lot bloodier than that, fml i need to stop." and i stopped writing it because i felt i shouldn't anymore since there was this crazy sousuke nightmare close-enough-to-a-fanfic that's canon? but i got yelled at by my friends to finish it, and here it is.
> 
> please feel free to send me fluffy prompts because i apparently only know how to make people suffer ;n; - apicturesquescore.tumblr.com


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